My New Years “Non-Resolutions”

New Years “Non- Resolutions”

I hate New Years.  I always have.  When I was younger it was the pressure to have “the most fun ever”, which often turned into god awful evenings.  I’d overdrink, pass out in a bathroom, and miss the actual countdown.  I even spent one countdown in a porta potty where I counted down the time with the stranger in the next one.  Classy.

Now that I am old and boring, New Years has become about buying new workout DVD’s and re-adding My Fitness Pal back onto my phone.  The actual evening is spent deciding whether or not it is even worth it to stay up until midnight.  Then there’s those resolutions.  They are always the same.  Lose weight, have more “me time”, cut out processed foods, refined sugar, wheat, carbs, dairy, recalled hummus products, blah, blah, blah.  Nope not doing it.  Don’t care.  I’m going to make the “non- resolution” list and really commit to seeing it through.  2017-Dare to Dream (which is a much better title than the famous 2008-It’s not too late…to get your life together).

1) Pizza Fridays will be re-instated.  Truthfully, they never really left, but I’m tired of veggies on a pita and calling it pizza.  No thank you.  I want grease dripping off my pepperoni already.

2) Not being on time.  I’m always late because my children need 5 costume changes before we go anywhere, so screw it.  Need to be at work at 8?  Meh I’ll be there by 8:15, 8:30 tops.

3) Have as much coffee as I want.  Why limit that deliciousness just to try and get in more water?  Guess what?  COFFEE IS MADE FROM WATER.

4)  Start watching even MORE TV.  Netflix and Crave exist because of people like me.  You know what goes great with pizza and/or coffee?  15 episodes of Fuller House back to back.

5)  Lower my expectations on absolutely EVERYTHING.  Go lower…lower…yep still lower…still giving a shit?…LOWER…and there.  This is where I need to live.

6)  Start drinking during the week.  Why am I not having whiskey on the regular?  I’m going to start living like men in the 1950’s who would come home from work and have a drink waiting for them.  Well except for the part where I have to make my own drink and then supper for my kids and husband.  So basically, I would be just like a 1950’s housewife who has a full-time job both IN and OUT of the home.  Lucky.  But I’m totally going to start having some sauce before going to bed.

7)  Speaking of bed, I’m going to go whenever I feel like it.  I will not be shamed for going to bed at 7:30. I am also going to waive that “no food in bed” rule.  It was really for my husband anyways, so that rule never really applied to me.

8)  Speak entirely in motivational quotes at my work as a teacher.  Student: “I can’t do this.” Me: “If it is important to you, you will find a way.  If not, you will find an excuse.”  Student: “I’ll never use this in real life.”  Me: “If it is important to you in real life, you’ll find a way.  If not, you’ll find an excuse.” Student: “Can you change the radio station?” Me: “If it’s important to me I’ll find a way.  If not, I’ll find an excuse.  My excuse is I don’t want to.”  Every day I pick a new quote just to change things up.  Next will be “Trying times are not the times to stop trying.”  This will also work well with my kids and my husband.  Winning.

This is a good start.  I don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much awesomeness.  I’m already a little worn out from being my own Secret Santa for an entire week.  Cheers to 2017 and doing WHATEVER the hell you want.